Have you heard of the 3-3-3 rule of adopting a new dog?
It’s a set of guidelines for transitioning a new dog into your home. Don’t let the words “rule” or “guidelines” trick you into thinking this is a hard-and-fast situation. Rather, I like to think of it more as a framework or mindset to help your new dog settle.
Let’s dig in, and I’m going to share how our new pup, Penny, is doing at the same time.
Here’s the gist of the 3-3-3 rule:
The first 3 days are for your dog to acclimate to his or her new surroundings. This is the “where the heck am I” and “am I staying here” phase. At this point, your dog isn’t showing his or her true colors because of the overwhelm.
The first 3 weeks are for your dog to learn the household rules and boundaries in a loving, kind, positive way. It starts your bonding process off on the right foot (er, paw?) and establishes the foundation of your relationship.
The first 3 months are for socialization, training, and new experiences. By the end of three months, your dog should feel settled and secure. A part of the family.
Throughout those first three days, weeks, and months, your job is to stay patient. Establish kind boundaries. Remain calm. Provide your dog with a safe, quiet space to use at his or her will. Be consistent and kind. Reward what you want. Ignore or redirect what you don’t want. Start basic training. Walk every day, if you can. Understand in advance your dog will start to test boundaries. Be patient and stay consistent.
Your dog’s job? Sniff, explore, test, experiment. Truly, it’s to test the boundaries and figure out what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in your home. As your pup becomes more secure in your home, you’ll start to see a lot more of his or her true personality shine through.
After three months, continue to train, challenge, and socialize with your pup, though he or she should be confident that your family is here to stay–no more shelter for you, pupperoo!
So, how’s Penny doing?
In case you haven’t yet met Penny, here’s the first post where I introduced her and explained a bit of her background and quirks. Looking back at that post, I am amazed at how far she’s come… but more on that in a sec.
Keeping the 3-3-3 rule in mind, I also updated on her progress after the first month. In this instance, I stretched those first three weeks into four largely because week one for Penny consisted of sleep, sleep, and more sleep. Trauma recovery, we think.
Now, we’re just past the three-month mark, and there’s a lot of progress to share!
In retrospect, at three days, Penny wasn’t even ready to tackle household routines. She needed to sleep and eat. That was it.
At three weeks, she felt more secure and more integrated into the household, but her fear still ruled. Even at four weeks, when I wrote that last update, she still oscillated between comfort and fear every single day.
Penny’s 3-month update
She’s doing amazingly well.
Penny walks around the neighborhood most days. Some days–twice last week–something scares her, but she trusts us enough to know that when she freezes and turns toward home, we will follow instead of push.
She plays with toys. Now she needs to learn the difference between dog toys and kid toys, but honestly? That’s on the humans, not the dog. Violet and Astrid quickly learned the consequence of not picking up their toys and stuffed animals.
She sleeps a normal schedule now, which is a gigantic relief.
Penny recently entered the kitchen–twice–all on her own. We doled out praise and treats, but that wasn’t enough to convince her it’s a safe space yet. She hasn’t returned since.
She still hasn’t walked down the front hall. Maybe she will someday. Maybe she won’t. For now, she’s established a longer route through the living room to get to the stairs and skips the hallway altogether. And that’s OK. She’ll get there… or she won’t. Again, I’m not willing to push on things that don’t matter.
Lest the 3-3-3 rule seem too perfect
I looked at a lot of infographics that implied your dog will be totally settled in at three months! Congrats! You made it!
Except. Nuh-uh.
Maybe your dog totally fit right into your family and your household and by three months hit a solid stride.
It’s possible, but it seems less likely than your dog needing a bit longer than that mark, which is why I like to think of it more as the 3-3-3 guideline.
Penny still flinches when you raise an arm or leg near her (though she hangs out when I practice yoga, so that’s huge progress). She won’t walk down the hallway–or enter a bathroom, the dining room, or the laundry room, for that matter. She feels safer lounging in her crate than she does snuggling on my bed.
Sweet Penny whines and cries when she realizes someone is somewhere she can’t access (like the bathroom or dining room) and will not go to the bathroom on a walk.
She drinks water from puddles in the yard and is only now starting to trust the dog bowls of fresh water on the deck and in the house.
At three months, your dog probably understands he or she is here to stay. And that’s awesome. That’s a huge hurdle for dogs who have been bounced around from shelters or rescues or foster homes or unstable, unsafe situations like Penny’s.
The rest depends on the dog’s personality and the household humans’ dog skills.
So, if you’re someone who reads something like this set of guidelines and feels like you’re failing because your dog is still scared / reactive / untrained / whatever at the three-month mark, rest assured that you’re fine. Your dog is fine. I mean, heck, I worked with Cooper for more than 13 years and he never “overcame” his fear or his reactivity.
It’s not about having a “perfect” dog after three months. It’s about building a bond with your dog, building trust and security. Giving your dog a sense of safety.
The rest, like Penny’s hallway, will either come or it won’t.
If you enjoyed this post, you’ll probably enjoy my forthcoming book, For the Love of Dog, from Regalo Press in February 2025. It’s chock full of the latest research in canine cognition combined with stories of my dogs to bring the data to life. To stay up-to-date on the latest with Penny and my publication news, join the mailing list or follow along on Instagram.
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